:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
