id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
