this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
