Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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