omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
