If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
