some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
