you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
