i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
