thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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