I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm too high and old for this...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
