I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
