what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
