Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
