I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
