Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
