Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
