Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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