another moral hangover. fuck.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
