I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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