Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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