My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Its about making memories worth repressing
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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