dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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