This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
