I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
