did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
