Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
