he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
