ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
