How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
