why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
kristin has been a bad kristin
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
