never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
