I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
