I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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