I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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