Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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