There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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