If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
