Only a mothe r could love this liver
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
