yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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