I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
