You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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