I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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