I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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