Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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