My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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