you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
