she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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