What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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