Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
