I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
